Everybody always said ''til the day hell freezes over''. But has it ever freeze over? Contact me if you want to discuss anything hellfreezeover666@yahoo.com . Not that anybody actually read this blog. I'm just as lonely as ever. From a pathetic fool in HELL!!!

 
Great snowboarding day today. Call her up to wish her a safe trip home. Well, I'm tryin to be a good sport and do what a gentleman friend would do. Like I said, I always proud of my logical side and its self-control power. Although sometimes I really wish I could be more open w/ my emotion and just let it go. But in that case, somebody will get hurt 'cause I know how violent I can be :)

The more I looked back on this whole thing over the last 6months (which I kept reminding everybody that I'm in Taiwan 4 out of those 6 months), the more I could see how stupid how I was for not seeing a lot of signs of the type of girls that she is and how little she really cared about me. I'm not being revengeful here but just logically analyzing this for the first time in a long time. She never really cared that much about me. She allowed other people to help her out, meeting her parents, while keeping me away, and making me helping her w/ her work while she's out w/ her friends and families. Damn, how stupid was I??? I guess Judy's wedding really make me want to be w/ someone so badly that I lost sight at what I really look for in a girl and who I really am. Somehow, w/ the stress of work and the fact that I really wanted tobe w/ someone had taken a toll on me and changed me to a slave to the very type of girl that I don't want to deal w/ in the old days.

She was a cute and sweet girl by all mean. I'm not even sure she's notice this, but she was very good at accepting gifts and helps from guys around and leaving all of them thinking that they had a shot. She enjoyed playing the field and making guys doing things for her. She might not doing this on purpose, at least I hope not. But it's time for me to bail out while I could. I don't want to sink any deeper into this. My time and energy are limited these days and I don't want to waste it at some fruitless attempt. Plus, this would be just the situation I always wanted to be in, be nice innocent bystander, watching from the sideline, while the idiots kill each other off in the field and fighting for something that most of them never had the chance to even touch it from the very beginning. How nice, finally pulling myself away from this and then moving on to better future. Of course, some would said this is nothing but just a sour grape. But this is exactly how I felt right now and I don't really care about what other thinks or expects.

I still value the friendship between us (since we work in the same place, I don't want to cause a scene by making drastic changes). Therefore, I'll continue to be her good friend from work. But I'm going to start to keep her at an arm's length and slowly I'll be able to remove her completely from my heart. It's sad that this how my first love interest in 7yrs going to end up. But hopefully, it's just God testing me before giving me the big reward :)

Key thing to remember: Moving on can be slow and painful process, I must stay focus and fight thru it... LIFE SUCKS!!!
posted by HELL at 23:16