Everybody always said ''til the day hell freezes over''. But has it ever freeze over? Contact me if you want to discuss anything hellfreezeover666@yahoo.com . Not that anybody actually read this blog. I'm just as lonely as ever. From a pathetic fool in HELL!!!

 
OK, here is what I wrote from mid-October to early November.

October 9, 2002

Very skillful in avoiding my attempt to have semi-dinner @ her house, very good.

October 11, 2002

I feel like a playing toy. I got to get some more self-control. Ask her if she want to go test drive car, got a no. Just remember that she eats lunch w/ one of the other guys. Feel jealous but more importantly exhausted from all the stuff I do for her that didn't get me ANYWHERE. What will the white knight do when the princess left w/ the other knight

October 13, 2002

Right now, I think I just take this slowly and see how the other two guys do. Hmmm, need to think of a cool gift for her birthday. Also, need to take her out to dinner, probably 22nd since don't think I could get 23rd, the actual day. Oh well, 'tis life.

October 14, 2002

Invited me to eat cake, cool!

October 15, 2002

Ask me about the type of b-day present she ask her sis to get. Is this an attempt to remind me that her b-day is coming up? Hmmm, what should I get her?

October 16, 2002

Talk about gay couples and some other stuff, got her laugh and happy. Should get a pat on the head for that :)

October 17, 2002

She's irritated by work and I will try to calm her down. Seem to work ok. Thought about how it's been 7yrs. since I felt for someone. Sad!

October 18, 2002

Talk about my plan trip to LV for Jacky Cheung's concert. She seem to be interested. Should I ask her to go? But she didn't seem to have that much interest the other day when I told her about the concert. Wonder if something change or I'm just oversensitive! Why is it so hard to guess what woman think about? She also did not answer straight forward when I kinda ask about bring my ps2 over to test it, instead she change topic. Is she hinting to me about keeping a certain distance between the two of us or telling me to be more aggresive? So hard to guess! She ask if I want to go to Dave & Buster and after some thoughts decided not to 'cause I don't want to deal w/ all the people. Also realized that the other guys probably will be there. After she left, I went to check her system and thought I saw her car. After closer inspection, confirm it's her car (I'm a pathetic fool). Somebody must've had pick her up already-probably the other guys. My heart ached. Good thing I'd a car, nothing make me feel better (also help calm me down) than rolling down the window and blasting music. After dinner and some pleasant conversations about good friend's good fortune w/ his love, came home and look @ the website she just showed me. Just REALIZED how much of her life I HAD NO IDEA about! So sad, tried to comfort myself and switching between continue going after her or stop and heal the wounds. If I continue, my chance is slim and I'll get hurt more and more. If I stop, I may not love again for another 7yrs. SAD SAD SAD!!! NOW, I really need sometimes away from her to clear my thought. And w/o her appearing in front of me all the time, I could solve this. Should I keep w/ this current routine? I SHALL, UNTIL THE DAY SHE INTRODUCE ME HER BOYFRIEND!!!

October 20, 2002

Went to work mainly because she called me to ask for a favor. A bit down when I saw her w/ one of the other guy. But the fact that I orderred my car kept my spirit high. After I'm done w/ work, went to see her and glad to see that she's alone. She also drank from my bottle of coke, cool! Said good-bye twice to me (maybe she didn't heard my good-bye response to her good-bye). Now it felt totally worth it to do this. I'm so easily satisfied! Poor fool! BTW, watched "A Walk to Remember" w/ her and the one of the guy. What shall I get her for her birthday? Sister suggest I should get two movie tix so she will feel guilty and then invite me to the movie. HA, wishful thinking.

October 21, 2002

She invited me to her b-day party on wed. (10/23). Too bad I had a bball game. Maybe I should take her to dinner tomorrow. We'll see about that. Went w/ her to deliver wafer in Fremont. Then got pearl tea. But the best thing was that we went to shop for her b-day gift. Got her a little jar w/ golden horse in it. It took about 1/2 hour for her to get the gift, she's picky, just like other woman shopper, HAHA. At least she love the gift. She's a little worry about layoff and I tried my best to calm her. I think the gift really distracted her from that. A job well done. Sister suggested that she could be 2 types of girl, either take advantage of guys, or she really does like me. Obviously, I want her to be the 2nd type. Again, I reiterate the fact that I'll give myself until 9/27/03 to clear this up. Pray for good endings now!!!

October 22, 2002

Very busy today, didn't get a chance to talk a lot w/ her and didn't see her. Nice to know that she cared enough about me that she chose Outback in Campell to accommodate my bball game :)


October 23, 2002

Very very busy today. Still made it to her b-day party but didn't order anything but a glass of Foster. Gave her the gift. Feel good 'cause one of the other guy sit in corner quietly while I socialize w/ all her friends. Ha

October 24, 2002

Too busy to see her. She did send a couple pages to thank me for going to her b-day dinner & the gift.

October 25, 2002

Barely got a chance to see her. Talk a little bit more her b-day gift. She was cute when she complained about how I was supposedly going there to talk to her, not browsing the web. This is one of the reason why I like her, a change from dealing w/ all the too-independent engineer girl (not that I don't like them). It was also nice for her to remember me when she works late.

October 26, 2002
Got a chance to talk to her before left work. Find out she’s staying home and cook for herself. Cool, she actually remember that I don’t like thousands-year egg. She mention that she want to see the movie “the ring” wonder that if it’s a hint that I should ask her??? Life is ok if it wasn’t for the hard work and the impending layoff. Transfer the this journal of my from memo form to word document.

October 28, 2002

Finally had a pearl tea break w/ her. Had fun talking to her about niece & stuff. Mention about Jacky's concert, she express her interest in going to celine dion's concert (in vegas). Is it a hint??? Got shot down again w/ dinner, at least she gave me a explaination about it. She had a skin problem that she had to watch out for. Thus she could not eat a variety of food. Oh well, I'll attempt again tomorrow.

October 29, 2002

Took time off from my busy schedule to have pearl tea w/ her and then grossary shopping (3 items). Comfort her about the impending layoff. Found out there was a cheap tix for a movie she want to watch. Told her about it. Will see her there. But what happen if she comes w/ another guy. I'll be devastated!!! But let's take a chance and see what happens. Well, the other guy did came and I became the driver. But at least she didn't just brush me aside & treat me like dirt. She was scared by the movie & at 1 pt grabbing my arm. Thus, I did enjoy this movie. Still needed a fast drive & loud music to calm me down. Maybe I am the jealous type.

October 30, 2002

Had pearl tea w/ her. Talk about various stuff.

October 31, 2002

Dressed up as a cowboy, in true holiday spirit. She smiled. I'm happy. I'm such a pathetic fool that even the smallest thing she does I'll get excited & then overanalyzed.

November 1, 2002

Co-worker said the darnest things. One of them try to said something in front of her and me, try to embarrass me (she’s going w/ the other guy to lunch). Well, I need to let him know that is not acceptable??? I knew she went to lunch w/ the other guys. I know she always goes out w/ the other guys. So what, I’ll do what needs to be done and that’ll be that. I don’t give a damn about what other people said. The whole mood is so poor in the company ‘cause the layoff is around the corner. Try to calm her and comfort her, tough to do in this environment.

November 2, 2002

Finally, after many tries, went out w/ her this afternoon prior to my leave for Taiwan. I would love to stay here and be w/ her thru the tough time but work is work. Went w/ her to shop for friend’s baby gifts. And then went w/ her to Michaels to look at cross-stiching stuff (I think that’s what it called). Had some fun there and then went to check out the mall. I can see myselft dreading going to shop w/ girl. I’m just not the shopping type. Had her post-birthday dinner at a nice Japanese restaurant called Furu-Sato in Campbell. Had some nice time talking to her. After dropping her off and pick up my dvds, she walked me downstair and then she looked she wanted to give me a hug but I kinda walked away, I’m A BIG IDIOT!!! The good thing is that I’ll see her tomorrow again so hopefully I’ll get something then. I still feel bad about leaving her at this time. But I do feel good about the progress today. Kinda sad that she called another friend (probably the other guy), but let’s just take one step at a time and see how thing goes. I promise to be more aggressive when I come back. December shall be the month where I’ll try to make the move based on the circumstance.

posted by HELL at 23:20