Everybody always said ''til the day hell freezes over''. But has it ever freeze over? Contact me if you want to discuss anything hellfreezeover666@yahoo.com . Not that anybody actually read this blog. I'm just as lonely as ever. From a pathetic fool in HELL!!!

 
It's been a few days since I updated here, been busy the last few days.

Had a nice long talk with her on Monday about friends, relationship, and other stuff. She asked me about my take on the myth about if a guy did not propose after 3 years, then the relationship is over. Well, I basically agree, for most guys, if after 3 years, he still couldn't decide if the girl is right for him, then he probably will just give up and look for other possibilities. Guys are lazy most of the time and they could settle on 2nd choice if it means less work. Although not all guys are like that, and those girls who think there are no guys after them because guys are just too lazy and don't want to spend the effort to go for them are plain sour grapes. There are a lot of guys out there (myself included) will go for a hard-to-get girl if it's worthy. However, we guys really, really, really hate stuck-up girls who think all men should bow to them. We'll do a lot of stupid things to impress girl (case in point, the guy who is writing this blog), but we have our integrity and honor as well. Of course, I didn't mention the whole sour grape part to her.

When she got a chance to leave early, she'll just leave, never ever paid much attention to me, only once in a while page me to just glow about the fact she gets to leave early. While for me, every time I'm leaving early than her, I always let her and leave her a page saying something along the line of "hope you don't have to stay too late." See how nice I am to her. But then again, I should have known, I had been treating her like a princess while she treats me like dirt (ok, maybe a little bit better)

(BTW, she called while I'm typing up this blog. She's complaining that she's confused, and had mixed feeling about people at work. On one side she hated the long working hour, on the other hand, she did enjoy the group activities they have today, KTV. She's naive and impulsive, easily persuaded by peer pressure. Overall, she's a nice person but somewhat mentally weak, susceptable to other's influence.)

I got sick 'cause I took off my shirt during cool down, after running in the dark rainy night. And she just didn't show the care she did with her other guys friends. I felt kinda sad and somewhat hurt. Why can she treat me nicely? As I told my friend, WHY DO I ALWAYS GET THE PISS-OFFED HER WHILE SHE'S ALWAYS SO CONSIDERATE TO HER OTHER FRIENDS??? I just don't really understand. She's even nice and considerate to the co-workers who kinda pressure her into working long hours, but whenever she talk to me, she acted annoyed and angry. I guess I just always so nice to her that she know she could use me as her punching bag and she could yell and screaming at me all she want 'cause at the end, I'm still act the same. Well, that's true, the gentleman side of me will never allow me to harm her in anyway, except for some verbal retaliation once in a long while. I'm just so use to bottle up everything inside me that most people thought I'm just hyper-active, always happy, naive young adult. Not that many people can see thru my mask and even less know really anything about me. And there really isn't anybody who cares about me. As I indicated in my PDA, I'll probably spend my birthday hiking the hills. Nobody remembers about my birthday anyway, except for my sis. She'll probably just send me a greeting card over email, parents are just too busy with their work to remember or care about it. None of my friend knows about my birth date, nor do they care. Not that it even matters to me. I had spend most of my birthdays this way. I had only celebrate one birthday in my life and that's because all my cousins did it that year. After that, I had never really celebrate my birthday, not with friends, rarely with family. Like I said nobody cares about me enough to remember my birthday. Although, this year, I'm secreatly hoping that she would remember and help me enjoy the day. Even something really small such as a nice dinner would propel me to cloud nine. I mean afte all that I had done for her, I thought it's fair for her to do this little thing for me. Especially all the stuff she did for her other friends' birthdays. Now, I won't remind her, if she remembers, then that's great, if not, I'll have a lot of time to reflect on this whole relationship between her and me during the hike. Let's see what'll happen in 5 months.

She's always complain to me about work. And never appreciate the fact that I been trying my best to comfort her and cheer her up. She never notice that I'm always there for her (I do the same for most of my co-workers, but I try extra hard for her), doing whatever I can to help her out. All her co-workers notice it, but she just so blind to that fact. I don't know what I had done in the previous life to her to deserve this kind of punishment :( I just don't understand why I have to endure such hardship of unfairness. I mean spend a lot of time and effort trying to treat her as nice as can, and yet I get a few lousy phone calls when she's bored. In fact, I don't even get the honor (I'm not sure about any honor in this though) to take her to airport. So who am I to her, I ask once again and probably won't get any answer. She even blocks my phone # so her parent won't know I existed. I guess I'm not much to her except a guallible co-worker who she could really take advantage of.

I'm kinda depress about that. However, I'm not really mad any more, especially after venting in this blog. Soon, hopefully, I'll be able see this whole thing more clearly and with better subjectivity. Wish me luck!!!
posted by HELL at 01:50