Everybody always said ''til the day hell freezes over''. But has it ever freeze over? Contact me if you want to discuss anything hellfreezeover666@yahoo.com . Not that anybody actually read this blog. I'm just as lonely as ever. From a pathetic fool in HELL!!!

 
Why do the same thing repeat over and over again for me???

I helped take her to the doctor on Monday, treated her to nice sushi dinner, drove her home, and then picked her up this morning and drove her to work. I would said I had done all that I could done for her in this situation (both as a friend and as a person who have considerable interest in her well-being). Yet, why do I always felt abandoned once she's done using my help. This happen time after time, I'll do my best to help her with all that she asked of me, usually puttiner her interest far beyond that of my own, and then when it's all done, I'll feel like an old abandon dog just got done being used and abused. She'll go back to her normal life, having fun with her friends, hanging out with her other guy friends, ignoring me most of the times. I HATE this feeling. Like all those who know anything about this relationship had been telling me, I got to just quit doing these stuffs for her and just confront her. And when she tell me there is no possibility between us, I should just move on. I had been wasting so much time and money and effort in this, it's definitly the worse investment I had ever made. Now all I need is a little intervention from friends to get myself off this addiction to her and really enjoy my life. I had been miss out on so much of my life because of this whole mess :( I really need to learn to let go. Except the dedication to my goal that I used to be proud of (keep me going to the gym on a regular basis) is causing my downfall right now. I just can't give up right now after what I had done, I can't cut my losses and move on like I do with my financial investments. My heart and soul is lock down right now and I don't know how to free them :( I need time, a lot of time, to untangle my web of fraustration and heal my broken heart before I can move on :( Just remember my deadline, my birthday is coming up in less than 3 months.

After going to a co-worker's wedding on Saturday of the July 4th weekend, I drove myself up to Mendocino. After lunch and some nice time spent in a couple of galleries, I drove back to bayarea thru Hwy 1. It was a damn nice drive, especially in my car :) The only problem is the long drive did take a toll on my back and knee. They were hurting after 5 hours of continuous drive. But I did learn that I should be a loner, and I can survive as a loner :)

Kinda tire right now, I just don't want to continue on complaining about how my personal love life is so miserable right now. I had enough people telling me that thru the day. So hopefully I 'll get a chance to think about this more over the next few days and hopefully come to peace with my mind soon.
posted by HELL at 23:52