Everybody always said ''til the day hell freezes over''. But has it ever freeze over? Contact me if you want to discuss anything hellfreezeover666@yahoo.com . Not that anybody actually read this blog. I'm just as lonely as ever. From a pathetic fool in HELL!!!

 
So shall continue to be a loner that I am. I'm now out in Baltimore for a wedding in which I'm the only asian dude attending. Not that I felt weird or anything, just sadden that I'm here alone, yet again. I did had some good conversation with her, but the last time I called, she seen annoy by my phone call, told me she's on another line. So I, being the perfect gentleman that I am, apologized to her and then say goodbye good weekend and hang up. I'm just feeling more lonely before wedding, a big reason why I hate going to wedding. Although, I did enjoy spending time walking along the shore of inner harbor (Baltimore). I enjoy the cool breeze from the cheaspeake bay and the nice relaxing friday afternoon that I'll never experience back in bayarea. I can see myself do that often, hopefully, in the future. I'll definitly enjoy a nice day near the beach on Sept. 26, the day before my 27th birthday. I didn't take the day off for nothing :)

I really do love her, 'cause I think about her regardless what I'm doing. Wonder how long it'll take after my birthday 'till I finally get out of this mode. Still holding some grudge toward her usual dismissal of me (for the phone call, for the dinner, for the lunch, for all that work I done for her but never got much of a thankyou), I had thought about not talking to her for an extended period of time after my birthday. But I decided against it. I'm adopting to the philosphy that I'll do whatever I feel that I must do, for my own sake, regardless how she'll treat me. I'm my own entity, I'll decide what I do, not her, not anybody else. If fate so choose to continue to torture me, then so be it. Why not be a tragic hero, they're the ones that left countless legends, not the almighty lucky knight who marry his princess. So be it, I'll always be a loner, as long as I can't find that one person to spend the rest of my life with. In my life, I had found myself, I had found the one I love the most, so there is only the one that love me the most and the one that neither love me the most or love by me the most, but is the fateful one that'll spend the rest of her life with me. So my search goes on, all the while carrying the huge burden that is my love for her. One day, long from now, I hope I can laugh about it and enjoy a good drink with the one I love and will spend my life with. Hope that day will come and soon.

I'll try to update the blog more often, just that I hadn't been having much time or energy to update it as often as I want. Especially since the blog is still pretty much surrounding my life with her, I tried not to think about too much. It'll bring more pain to my life than I wanted.
posted by HELL at 21:46