Everybody always said ''til the day hell freezes over''. But has it ever freeze over? Contact me if you want to discuss anything hellfreezeover666@yahoo.com . Not that anybody actually read this blog. I'm just as lonely as ever. From a pathetic fool in HELL!!!

 
I had been really busy lately, and working nightshift made it extremely difficult to continue this blog on a regular basis. But I’ll try my best.

Last few days had been peacefully days for me. Until yesterday! She promised to have pizza with me but changed her mind and wants to have dinner with another guy. That was fine with me. What really pisses me off was the fact that she didn’t even bother to ask me before she made the decision. Like she never even cared about how I felt. I was really pissed off and it showed. And the fact that she goes around and told everybody that I was piss off doesn’t affect me at all. For why should I care what everybody else thinks of me? The only opinion I cared about was hers and it doesn’t looked good. Well, I know she still needs my help so she can’t just completely cut me off. And I’m not about to do that ‘cause I’m a gentleman and I won’t leave her in distress right now. But soon, I’ll lose all my patience with her and that’ll be that. I’m going to try my best to just let go and start to live my own life once again. And I’ll let people know about that soon.

And today, I apologized for my bad behavior last night. But she didn't seem to willing to forgive me. Even though she said she's not mad at me, but I can sense her madness. I don't know what to do and ease that. And I'm just so sad over the fact that this one person had so much influence over my emotion. I used to be very proud of the fact that no one can bring me down and I stand on my own. Now, she has more control over the swing of my mood than anyone else in my life. Worse yet, she does nothing but to drive me to hell. DAMN, I got to retake control of myself. I'm so sad right now, it almost drive me to drink and smoke by myself (which I swear to never to do 'cause that's the start of alcoholic and smoker). Right now, the only way for me to calm down is reading about life, love, and forgiveness on Carmen's website. She hadn't updated in awhile, hope she's okay. I'll probably send her an email tomorrow just to see if she's fine.

I'm downloading the top 25 power ballad (ranked by VH1). These songs will fit my mood perfectly, especially as I'm taking rides toward the coast, getting away from her and the stress she caused for me. Another thing to do today would be to update my yahoo personal ad. I had sent out three emails and got no response yet. But I'm strong and undeterred, I'll continue 'til I get some responses. Also need to look for more potential ads. Wish me luck in taking my first step out of the hell created her. It's always the darkest before dawn. Here is little poem from Carmen's page that I thought I should put on the Christmas card I'm getting for her:

If one day you feel like crying...Call me.
I don't promise that I will make you laugh,
But I can cry with you.

If one day you want to run away.
Don't be afraid to call me.
I don't promise to ask you to stop...
But I can run with you.

If one day you don't want to listen to anyone...Call me.
I promise to be there for you.
And I promise to be very quiet.

But if one day you call...
And there is no answer...
Come fast to see me.
Perhaps I need you.


I'll probably change couple words here and there, but the theme will be the same. Hopefully, this will be the conclusion to all that's left between me and her. And I'm even more hopeful that there will be someone else for me in the future, out there, waiting for discovery by me.
posted by HELL at 00:54