Everybody always said ''til the day hell freezes over''. But has it ever freeze over? Contact me if you want to discuss anything hellfreezeover666@yahoo.com . Not that anybody actually read this blog. I'm just as lonely as ever. From a pathetic fool in HELL!!!

 
Sigh... Heading out to Singapore now. It sucks that I'll lose another holiday, just like Thanksgiving, Labor Day, and President's Day. I had all sort of stuff planned for the long weekend too. This really sucks and it'll propably kill any chances I have with the girls. Well, I guess work is work, ain't nothing much I can do about it. The good thing is that I was able to get her to give me a ride to the airport. I told her that if she won't, I'll keep naggin her for a very long time to come :) Finally she gave in (plus it's only a 15min drive to the closer airport anyway).
posted by HELL at 08:10

 
Well, I just confirmed yesterday that her memorial holiday weekend is completely booked, just as expected. sigh... Of course she won't spare any time for the poor me. And she gave me this whole explanation about how she could cancel our lunch appointment any time but she always need to keep her dinner appointment with her friends. Apparantly it's because I see her everyday and she can have lunch any time she wants to. Well, she does have a good point there. However, I also did pointed out that my dinner appointment with her gets shifted all the time, like my birthday dinner, her birthday dinner, and last year's christmas dinner. But of course I couldn't continue 'cause she started to give me "the look" and I knew that I had to back off. I did score a point when she admitted that I'm always flexible with her. sigh... I guess that's who I am. I'm still rank much lower than her family and friends, most of her co-workers and company customers. I guess I should be glad that I'm atleast above the janitors and some of her hated co-workers. sigh...

Did have lunch and dinner with her. But work hadn't been going well, may have to hop on a plane in the near near future for Singapore. I will find out more info tomorrow morning. sigh... But atleast I'm trying to setup a date to meet the girl sister introduce me to.
posted by HELL at 00:48

 
It's been a sad last few days, then again, what's new.

It all started Friday night. After dinner with some friends, I was withdrawing money from the ATM and got a phone call from her. She told me she didn't feel too good and wanted me to go pick her up. I of course gladly comply with her wish. But she was too disoriented to tell me where she is and I have to ask a co-worker (the one that she thought was cute and wish she have a big brother like that, she never said anything nice like that about me. sigh...) for the direction to the place. After picking her up and drove for about 30 seconds, she started complain about headache and dizziness. So I gave her water and IBuprofen. Still she couldn't sit the car for long. I parked my car near an empty parking lot and walk with her in circle for about 20 minutes before she's oriented enough to get back in the car. Then we went pick up her bag and phone from work and drove her home. Of course I weren't allow to talk about the ordeal with anyone. Well I guess that's expected. The next morning I had to wake up at 8:30 (on a Saturday!!!) and drove her to work to pick up her car so she could go to her tutoring job.

I thought after all the stuff I did, I was surely going to get a phone call of "thank you" or even better, a dinner during the weekend. But what was I thinking, I'm such an idiot. Of course she won't call me nor would she do anything remotely nice 'cause what I did is to be expected. But I obviously didn't think so, when she told me that she's going with her friends to our annual technical conference for lunch on Monday, I couldn't hold my anger any longer. All the rejection over the last few months just compiled up and basically exploded. And I let her know how I felt about the situation. But of course I'm a wimp and later during the day when she ask me if I was over with my anger (thru a page, not even wanting to talk to me), I basically told her it's my fault and I'll deal with it. Such a wimp... The only thing she could think of doing for me is to give me a chocolate, what a joke!!! And the worse thing is that I had to act as if nothing happen and still bring pearl tea to her and do all the nice stuff for her. sigh... I'm just such a wimp. So pathetic... Oh yeah, I called today about having dinner but she didn't pick up the phone. About a hour later, she not only called me twice and left a voice mail but also paged me once. Wow I guess she just want to make sure she responds to me. She's a bit worry about losing me as a friend, well atleast all the favors I did for her.
posted by HELL at 21:09

 
Well, at least she didn't cancel the lunch appointment at 12:30pm like yesterday. But she won't admit that she's being giving me lot of "no" answer lately. But I stood up to her and told her she still owe me the "Meanie Girl" movie and the cheesecake. We'll see if she'll make good on her promises.

Another thing I did is sending initial emails to two different girls, one introduced by my sister, the other by my mom. Let see if I can any response
posted by HELL at 22:27

 
Just as I expected, she didn't bring anything back for me. She also went to watch all the big summer movies with her friends. And here I am, still waiting, a month after I asked her to go watch one little movie with me. sigh... The differential treatment continues... Well, at least my sister, my friend and my mom is being busy trying to set me up. Amazing how much people around me cares so much, and yet the one person that actually matters just show no sign of caring at all... sigh...
posted by HELL at 22:07

 
Another depressing day for me. She's in her usual "friday-of-a-live-demo" mood. Basically ignoring me unless she needs my help. What made me feel even worse is that she's taking a day off and going to Yosemite tomorrow with her "friend" and I couldn't go with my friends (in June) 'cause of work. Worse yet, she's willing to push hard so she could have a friday off to spend with her friends even though she didn't even like camping, but she won't watch Lion King (a great musical) or Jerry Seinfield (great comedy show). I'm just so tired of feeling like a second class citizen, an after thought for her, or a stress reliever when she's mad about things. Even another jog in the cold dark night couldn't calm me down. I really, really not happy with her!!! Well, what's new? My life is such a pathetic one.
posted by HELL at 23:36

 
I think the biggest mistake I made in the last three years is becoming friend w/ her. The 2nd is broke the promise to myself and not giving up on her after my last birthday. All the torture now is just penalty from not keeping my promise
posted by HELL at 01:16

 
She's spending one weekend w/ her "friends" in May going to Yosemite, one week back to Chicago to goto a wedding and visiting families and "friends", also another day off in July and it's secretive (I'm thinking she's heading down to San Diego w/ her "friend" and hand over her car to her sis). Well atleast she's having a fun summer. And of all of these nice activities, none is for me!!! Even worse, she's willing to do all these stuff w/ her "friends" but won't go watch "Lion King" w/ me. Just another sign that my effort is futile and I'm just extremely low on her priority list! sigh... I'm just sad...
posted by HELL at 22:17

 
I'm becoming good friend with the girl I met on craigslist personal ad. Amazing, isn't it nice to meet somebody completely unknown and yet hit it off rather well. Although I doubt that we'll ever become anything more than just good friends, atleast I know there are people out there I meet that'll care about me more than her. Although I guess I shouldn't be so harsh today since she did pay for my manucure and pedicure, after I did yard work for her :) Sounds very bizzare, doesn't it. I think so too, but these days, I don't really put much care on anything anymore.
posted by HELL at 00:54

 
Well, the job change thing should be done by Monday. The transition period should start soon and I'll be moving on professionally. Hopefully I'll also be moving on in a personal basis. Well, it's time to fess up and admit that I'll never be completely out of her magic but hopefully I can start to minimize her effect on me!
posted by HELL at 13:35