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Wednesday, January 29, 2003
Actually, just find out that she was sick yesterday. That explained why she didn't respond to my pages and why I didn't see her yesterday. Hope she feels better. But I'm just feeling tired of this whole thing and didn't want her every moved to control my emotion anymore. Looks like I'm on my way to getting over her. hahahaha
posted by HELL at 23:00
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Page her twice today and didn't get any response. In fact, I didn't even seen her today. Wonder if this is the beginning of the end? Sigh. This should help me w/ my finiancial situation and give me more motivation to work out :) Life sucks.
posted by HELL at 22:41
Monday, January 27, 2003
Tried not to think about her for most of the day. But still got a couple of pages from her and then ending up walking her downstair to her car. Man, I just couldn't get myself out of this mess. But it'll be ok, this type of thing takes some time. Just wait and I'll be able to get myself out of this mess soon enough :)
posted by HELL at 22:39
Sunday, January 26, 2003
Well, here the astrology reading I got from Yahoo today:
"This isn't your party anymore. Be an ordinary guest for a while - it's less work"
Haha, does this mean that I should pull back and do nothing. Hmm, I am invited to her friends' superbowl party. However, I'm also had invitation to 2 other parties. Maybe I just won't go to any of them and just stay home and do nothing. HAHA. That's exactly what I need, sometime to be along and mediate and think about my current situation to plot my next course of action. I guess that's the most likely thing I'll do.
posted by HELL at 00:18
Friday, January 24, 2003
Not happy at all. Seems she doesn't want to eat dinner w/ me tonight :~( I'm so tired of having my emotion control by everything she does. Doesn't this sound familiar? I think if we check back a month or two ago, I basically said the same thing. All was changed by the Christmas phone call. But all could change again when Valentine comes around. Then again, seriously doubt that I will be spending any part of Valentine's day w/ her. I'll be either in Taiwan or she'll just brush me aside like today. Oh well, I'm just glad that slowly my self control is coming back. My boss is right, I'm so distracted last couple of months, hopefully this'll be over real soon.
BTW, my former boss told me that he asked her if shed had a significant other, she just kinda didn't answer the question and moved on w/ the conversation. She did mention that she had a lot of guy friends. Ha, do I know it. Maybe there'll be a layoff, and either she or I will get RIF and then I won't have to worry about this any more. I am so EVIL.
Don't know how I was able to focus myself on other thing thru the last 7 years, and how did I lose that when she came into my life. Actually, it really should be my friend's fault. Wasn't for her wedding, it would never happen. 'Cause I been telling myself for the 1st 7 months of last year that I don't care and I'm concentrating on something else. But then, her wedding really stir up some emotion hidden deeply within me and here we are.
The one great thing about this whole mess is that it gave me motivation to workout and run. Now my body should improve dramatically over the next few months and then my birthday comes and all thing WILL be OVER. YEAH, can't wait until september. LALALA...
posted by HELL at 21:35
Thursday, January 23, 2003
Wow, she's going to Hawaii for her cousin's wedding, and even better, it's all expense paid in September. That's so cool. Maybe I should pay my own way there too :) Well, got told by my boss that I'm likely to head east to Taiwan yet again in a few weeks, haha :~( Better get a move on her before I get kick out of US and back to laboring away in the dark stinky FAB of Taiwan.
She bought me ice cream today. Would been even better if it was just me and her but I doubt that would ever happen. Oh well, at least part of my new year wish is coming true. My body is shaping nicely into what I wanted. A few more months and I should be able to build up enough that I could walk in public topless w/o feeling ashame!!!
Refinanced my new car today and dropped my montly payment down $40 and I'll be enjoying spending it :)
posted by HELL at 23:35
Hey, what's up! Well not that much to talk about since she only page me once today and didn't respond to my mulitple pages. I guess she's busy and just didn't have any time for me. I think I'm slowly regaining control of myself. Hopefully by Feb. 14th, I'll have a clear enough head to say this is over (sounds familiar, haha). It's late, will try to update at a later time when I have more things to say.
posted by HELL at 00:50
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
ALOHA, long time no see. I had been definitly lazy over the last 2 weeks in updating this page. This is good and bad. She hadn't done anything that got me really angry and fraustrated nor had she done anything that would cause me jumping w/ joy. All I know is that I'm consider by her as a good friend. However, that other guy seems to always in the mix and she's closer to him than to me. Well, that's how life is. I just got to take what life gives me and give it all I got so I don't regret it when it's all over. Not like my last time when I was just plain stupid and lazy, didn't do anything to court the girl and let her just slip out of my hand. Stupid me.
I think after many, many struggles of pursuiting her or gave up, I finally decided, based on my sister's advice, to just casually court her. And that's what I been doing, asking her out to dinner once in a while, or doing some stuff together. I'm just waiting for the right opportunity to speak my mind. But IF I found out that she have a boyfriend all these time, I'll be furious and somebody'll pay for this. Hopefully I won't resolve to violence. WE SHOULD SEE, WE SHOULD SEE!!!
I had mention about the fact that she owe me lunch at least twice over the last week. She finally promised to do something about it before president's day in Feb. BTW, we'll have one week shutdown in Feb and 1 week in March, both are no-pay. Damn that's a whole paycheck gone down the dringe. Anyway. I'll see what she could come up w/. Maybe she'll do this the friday before the Feb shutdown, which will be 2/14, Valentine's. That'll be GREAT. Haha. What a dream...
Hopefully, I'll update this page more often and hopefully there'll be more good news than bad.
side note: I got rejected for LASIK, however, the money in the medical spending account won't go to waste as I'm paying an arm and a leg for my dental stuff and glasses (the type that change to shade in the sunlight). I'll proabably also get contact lens as my optometrist highly recommanded some procedure to help me w/ the dry eye situation. So maybe I'll get some nice oakley shade along w/ my contacts :) Think she'll get me one? :) When pig flies. haha
As most of you can tell (sadly I'm the only person that'll be reading this page), I'm in a more joyeous mood right now. Because I now had a better understand of what my immediate goal is at work and romance. Check back after Valentine to see if I'm still this happy.
posted by HELL at 00:14
Saturday, January 11, 2003
It's been a while since last time I updated this page. A lot had happen since then. I went back and forth between continue to pursuit her or stop w/ this nonsense several times but still weaving between the two. How pathtic of me?
First thing first, let's me state my new year resolution.
1. Come to a financial stability. Since I bought so many big ticket items during 2002 (computer, PDA, car, to just name a few). This year, it's my intension to shrink my credit card debt and increase my overall networth by 50% :)
2. Work out. Last year started great in this department for me, however, the 2nd half of the year sucks since I was traveling so often and didn't really get a chance to continue my pace. This year, I'll continue to strengthen my upper and lower body. But the main concentration right now will be get rid of the love handle along the waist line. In order to accomplish this, I'll be working very hard on abs and backs and also a lot of cardiovascular stuff.
3. Regain my selfcontrol and hopefully become better w/ her, even not as boy friend. Maybe this year I'll get a chance to meet her parent if they do come and visit her:)
OK, now back to what this page is always about. My fraustration w/ her.
I knew something was up, her attitude toward me had changed since the break and even a person as insensitive as me had noticed. First, she called me on Christmas day to said merry christmas. Then, even more surprising, she called me on monday night (1/06/03) and ask me why I seemed down. This was the day she gave me my long-awaited gift: a box of jelly bally and a coach wallet. My first thought was like what the hell, this is what I got for doing all of these stuffs for her? Inside, I was furious, but I tried to act calm and thank her for the gift. However, I think she mighted pick up something, after all she is a girl and they're usually very sensitive about a person's mood. When she called me at 11:00pm to ask why I seemed sad, I was shock, tried to compose myself, I made up some excuse about work and I hope that was ok. don't really know if I had fooled her or not though. sigh.
Went to had pearl tea w/ her on tuesday and then help her shop as well. It was fun, I love to just chat w/ her and walk around. I must really like her a lot. To this day, I had no idea why too... Anyway, she ask me what my favor food was and my guess was that this was related to the fact that I told her before the break that she should cook for me one of these days. Well, I guess at some point I'll need to take to iniative to ask her about that. Maybe soon. Why is it that I'm sensing she's more caring about me right now??? don't know.
Went w/ her on friday to get pearl tea. Let her drove my new car. She was excited about it. I'm genuinely happy that she was excited. She was telling me that she was kinda hungry. I woulda have dinner w/ her but I already had prior arrangement w/ friends already. Why is it that every time I'm in a chicken vs. chic situation, I'm always choosing the chicken. Am I stupid or something??? sigh. Ok, next time I'll definitly choose chic over chicken.
Kinda tire and don't want to write too much stuff so I'll try to put something in tomorrow.
posted by HELL at 23:38
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