Everybody always said ''til the day hell freezes over''. But has it ever freeze over? Contact me if you want to discuss anything hellfreezeover666@yahoo.com . Not that anybody actually read this blog. I'm just as lonely as ever. From a pathetic fool in HELL!!!

 
Well, give up a gatorade run at Costco to have nice company paid dinner at a decent restraunt. Definitly a step in the right direction for me :) also, got rejected for making up the gatorade run over the weekend, I guess she only want to see me at work, where she could use me. I'm not much of use for her outside of her. I'm little bit mad and little bit sad, but I'm glad that my reaction is much more mundane than it would before. So glad that I'm slowly separating myself from feeling anything for her. So one day when she does leave my life, I'll just move on and not feel the heartache that I felt just a few days ago.

I would love to ramble on about how much I want to forget about her and move on, but just talking about it is not going to help me a lot. I just got to treat this whole thing w/ a cold stone heart. I think I'm only few days away from doing it.
I know I'm over her the day I could tell her the truth. "I know you don't consider me much of a friend, but here is my advice to you. Be true to your heart and stop treating people as backups" hahaha.....
posted by HELL at 22:37

 
It's been a long time since I updated here. Well, few things happen, some good, some bad, most are just making me mad:) Pick her last Sunday, she thanked me by taking me out for dinner, good. Had pearl tea afterward, good. Show me her glamour photos, good. Show me her photos from college w/ a lot of guys, bad. Didn't really explain why she went to Austin, bad. Saw a particular guy w/ her in multiple formals, bad. Realized how much fun she had in college and how small part I'm of her life, real bad. Once again, I realized how little I knew about her life prior to last year, how little I'm of value to her, and how little I had of my self-confidence in front of her :( sigh...

On Monday, I called her to tell her about possible iternary for her trip back to Chicago, (she had asked me earlier about looking for some cheap tix price) I got brushed off w/ one sentence. She would rather watch Joe Millionaire than talking to me. Thank god it was raining and I was able to get a good jog out of it.

Today, I reminded her of her tax problem (just like any fresh out-of-college-kid-with-no-prior-work-experience, she put down 3 for her W-4 exemption), she realized how much financial trouble she was in. I told her before that she would face this problem but she just won't listen to me. Fool!!! Now, she'll suffer thru a couple months of not being able to buy anything she wanted. I guess I just hadn't done enough to show her that I know about this world and how it works. Stupid girl, only if she would listen to me once in a while.

Oh well, if the rumor is true, she'll probably be gone by the end of next month. So I'll probably try to keep her as a token female friend and move on w/ my life. But I'll need to really regain my self control and retain my peace of mind soon.

Let's see what happen when I'm in Taiwan.
posted by HELL at 22:19

 
Slowly, I'm going to try to not remember her. I'm trying hard to lose her in my thoughts. Let see how it'll turn out in a few weeks :)
posted by HELL at 00:10

 
Damn it, I had a hard time calming down today after she moved the dinner plan. I'm getting more angrier by the hour. Even a two-mile jog didn't really calm me down. It's like a withdraw symptom from drug, to me, she was and still is a deadly drug that I'm addicted too and trying to get off it. Wish me luck on this! (although, I'm the only person who actually read this site :)
posted by HELL at 00:26

 
She push back the dinner plan from tonight to a lunch thing for tomorrow, on a holiday where I had to go in and work (albeit I was the one decided to go in and work). Supposely, she's going to SF to see an anti-war rally, sounded great for her. But where does that leave me in her mind, why is it that I'm always the one who get snubbed??? Probably because I'm not much of anyone that she should be concern with. I'm just a guy at work who always there to help her w/ anything she needed. But looked like I'm not much of a need for her these days, haha :( You know what, I'm just getting really sick and tire of this whole thing. **** this, I'm going to just get my mind of this whole thing (jogging is alway a great idea). I'm done, outa sight, outa mind. hopefully forever.
posted by HELL at 13:07

 
Back at this again. I'm dwindled more into a drepression by the day and by every rejection I got from her. Thank god for my car and booming Enimem music and running at night and etc. But the thing I am most thankful for is my niece. It felt so good to coming to a house while completely heart-broken, and then seeing your cute niece coming up to you and give you a nice rose and then some big hug and kisses. It really help calm me down :)
Time after time, I got rejected, but it's actually great for me since I'll be spending less and less money and energy on this whole relationship, or lact there of. haha :(
Still, I'm always very conscientious about her financial situation, don't even know why I cared so much. Oh well, soon, this whole thing will be over, before it even had a chance to begin.
posted by HELL at 12:46

 
Been a while since I blog about anything. It's just been so busy lately. And not much to blog about. I think I'm coming off the high and start to realize that she's probably just going to become a good friend. So sad, it took me so long to realize this. Oh well. BTW, I think she value me a lot more this year than last, I think I'm slowly (very slowly) moving up the ladder of importance for her. Actually I'm not sure how I feel or should feel about that. So nothing will be done, and nothing is consider to be done over the next few days.
posted by HELL at 23:39