Wow, it's being ten days since I last updated the blog, not the longest I ever gone, but still quite long. Well, not that much happend in the last ten days. Still working in Singapore, some drinking, lots of mahjong playing and karaoke singing. Lost my voice 'cause of the Linkin Park concert and 7 hours of straight karaoke. So I can say that it's more relax here and I'm enjoying myself more.
However every so often I still think about her and how much pain she had brought me over the years. My friend met up with the girl he being after for the last few years (he now had a great gf) and found out that the girl actually gone out recently with some guy she met on Yahoo Personal! He felt so betrayed and fraustrated 'cause he couldn't believe that she would completely ignore his feeling and just gone out with some total stranger over the web. He decided right there and then that he will care for this girl no more and he went ahead and erased all the contact info all the girl. I truly admired his conviction of cutting all contact. That's something I just haven't been able to do. sigh... Only wish I can be that strong with her as my friend with his "her". But then again, we're different people and handle this type of situation differently. My hope is that she'll one day understand how much I had done for her and be more appreciative of me. sigh... don't think that'll happen but still holding out for a glimpse of hope. sigh... She did email me more than usual since she's on vacation at home last week. But as usual, she stop during the weekend 'cause she have other things to do and I'm just not important enough. sigh... okay too much "sigh" now, got to stop before it kills more of my brain cell.
posted by HELL at 04:45
Still working hard, haven't had much rest between the last week of May 'til past mid-June. That's 4 weeks with virtually no days off and long hours every single day! sigh...
Told her that I wish her a relaxing vacation and that I won't bother her during her week-long vacation back home in Chicago. I'm sure it's a relieve for her to not hear from me at all. And I'll restraint myself from talking to her or sending her emails at all. Hopefully I can control my urge :) But no promises if she start to try and contact me. But that's quite doubtful... especially since she hadn't done that the last 3 weeks i'm out here in Singapore.
Atleast it's going okay on the other front. The girls had been responding to my emails. One of them (the one that doesn't speak good english) actually reply to my emails quite fast. And the other one sounds interesting, just wish I have a chance to actually meet her soon. The taiwanese one actually ask me if I want to join her in Taipei since I told her that there's a chance I may be in Taiwan then. I'm thinking about it and we'll see if the schedule can match up well.
posted by HELL at 03:03
Being working hard the last week or so. And did got drunk last saturday but was forced to work on Sunday by the management who couldn't wait for one extra day to get the data. sigh... 'tis the life a slave engineer. I definitely need to think of some new career path.
Her emails are far and few between, probably average 1 reply for 3-4 of my email sent. Oh well, atleast she's replying, I guess. Sometime I REALLY think getting to know her is the biggest mistake I made in the last two+ years. My friend (D-chick) sent me a song named "out of reach" by Gabrielle which reflect how she felt right now after finally closed everything with her ex but also kinda fit my situation as well. Here's the lyric:
Out Of Reach"
Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK
But I was
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you
But now I'm
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach,
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there
For me
Actually reading through the lyric really makes me think that this song REALLY fit my situation. I should learn from her and be strong. Getting over someone is not easy but I'm sure I been thru tougher situation and preveil before. So I will have confidence in myself to walk thru this "valley of death" and emerge as a stronger more confident person! Such strong sounded conviction, I think this is the strongest yet! We'll see how this one will fare, wish me luck :)
posted by HELL at 23:19
Sigh... (hopefully my next post won't start with a sigh). Still stuck here in Singapore working like a slave. The only day off was last Sunday and that's because we worked 'til Sunday morning 3AM.
As usual, I might get one reply for every five emails I sent to her. Even worse, after talking to her for a bit last night, I found out that she bought a new phone (of course she won't tell me), went to see a movie (Harry Potter) with her "big brother" and wife from work (I never get to watch a movie with her even though I been requesting it for a month), and she didn't even have anything nice to say to me (just have to add that in to make it into three complaint). The only thing she does is telling me to help her with this and that. I'm definitely like a slave to her. What a pain. I want to go back to US and give her piece of my mind. sigh... That won't happen anytime soon, and I'm going to the FAB now...
posted by HELL at 18:10
