Everybody always said ''til the day hell freezes over''. But has it ever freeze over? Contact me if you want to discuss anything hellfreezeover666@yahoo.com . Not that anybody actually read this blog. I'm just as lonely as ever. From a pathetic fool in HELL!!!

 
Well, it's 5 hr since I found out about the relationship she had with the co-worker, talked to my sister who told me that if I'm truly her friend that I should interfere, walk around downtown SJ for an hour trying to figure out what to do, and finally decided to talk to D-chick sometime this weekend. I been agonized over this whole thing, on one hand, as a friend, I want to talk to her and put some sense into her, on the other hand, as someon who had hurt by her, I would be happy to see her fall from grace at work. I think eventually my gentleman side wins the battle and probably I'll remain her friend regardless what she does, but I just hated that I'm involved in this whole thing at all and even more fraustrated 'cause I don't know what's the right thing to do... sigh.... Hopefully I'll figure that out by sunday, in any cases, I'll talk to D-chick to get her opinion. Oh sister's opinion is to confront her, though I'm quite sure how to confront her at all. sigh.....

posted by HELL at 23:37

 
Wow, can't believe I'm actually back in US :) Well, lots of stuff to update right now. Let see, well, I met up with this girl that mom's financial advisor introduced me to. Spend ~6 hr together last night, drink coffee at Peete's, walk around downtown Pleasant Hill and Walnut Creek, almost saw Farenheit 911, ate Japanese, some more coldstone ice cream and then say goodbye. She was nice but I didn't get a really strong feeling toward her either way, so I'm guessing that I'll just date around a bit more and see....

Now here's the big news. I'm still kinda in a state of shock right now. It's just amazing!!! It all started when I was in Singapore and she and the co-worker "ditched" me and made me stay late in the Fab. And then one day, she got a phone call and I heard that she said things like "you told her" and "she'll call you." At the time I thought she was talking to her bf in Illinois, but now it's turned out not to be the case. Actually she even cried a bit 'cause she was in such a depression, so I had to comfort her and told her that people always had to think about themselves and such. Wow, I didn't know what I was saying. Today, the co-worker's wife came by and talked to me, asking had I noticed anything interesting happening between her and the co-worker while they were in Singapore. It's so amazing, my gut feeling was right (although I didn't tell that to the wife). Apparantly, he had confessed to the wife that he loves her and she loves him. I was like "wow." A bit sad but mostly shocked. I had to pretend to be the understanding gentleman and a good friend of her and tell the wife that she's just leaning on him for a bit 'til she gets her footing. And I tried to say all the right things. Even more amazing is that I was actually on the phone with her before and after the talk with the wife. Looks like I'm actually quite good in keeping a secret :) But the wife told me that she had already talked to the husband and the husband's boss, who so happen to be the boss for me, the girl, and the co-worker. This's going to be UGLY. I had decided to play the role of a good friend and just stand by her whatever happens. But I'm not sure she'll take this well. sigh.... It's amazing how staying in a place w/o much friends can change a person. It wasn't that long ago she was still shy and such. sigh... Amazing and shock and sad are pretty much of who I am now. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens. I'll keep ourself updated with the latest news, stay tune.

posted by HELL at 19:02

 
Can't believe I'm still in Singapore, I would have gone back to the States a long time ago if it wasn't because of her. My fear came true when I found out that she's the one to come over to Singapore to replace me. I knew it 'cause she's the only one that had not been send out to the field yet and this's a good opportunity for her. But it's a horrible situation for me, I had to let her spend time with her favor co-worker while I'm working my butt off. She complains about being tire and hungry so I send her out to have dinner at nice restaurants while I'm working past midnight and skipping dinner. And yet she never even appreciate all the stuff I do for her. I got real tire and fraustrated with myself and her last thursday and had a big confrontation with her. I'm just being my stupid self again, always putting her need and wishes before anything else. What the hell is wrong with me. sigh.... I got to change that. To my surprise though, the confrontation didn't really have a last effect as she probably feel a bit lonely here so she decided to forgive me rather quickly.
 
Went out to shop with her this weekend, she bought tons of stuff for various people, but of course I am not one of them. In fact, I'm pretty much a nobody to her. When she gets a phone call, she basically just waive me off so I'd to go walk in circles 'til she's done. Not even a "sorry" or anything close to that. sigh... Feel more like a servant. And she always makes plan w/o considering me. She'll call up her Europe trip roommate and arrange to hang out with her instead of me. What can I said, I'm a nobody, like I mentioned in previous post before, I'm just little higher the janitors, not by that much either.  Another sign to prove my theory, this morning she was in a good mood, and I ask if she could share. Of course the answer is "no". But  when I started trying to guess, she told me it's kinda work related but still won't tell me. Considering all the info I shared with her, can't believe she won't even share her joy :( sigh.... Even worse, she's always happy and smile and cute with her other coworkers, but with me, sigh... it's always being 99% negative emotion. I'm always getting hit, yell at, frown upon, make fun of... the list goes on and on... And had she ever done anything nice for me out of her own heart, w/o me always nagging her... don't really think so. So why the hell do I do so much for her, it makes no sense what so ever!!! I'm the biggest idiot in this world, sigh...

posted by HELL at 03:48

 
I'm a bit sick these days after a long week of late night activities: play mahjong 'til 5am on friday, drinking on sat, singing karaoke for 7 1/2 hr on sun, more drinking on tues, work 'til 3am on wed, yet again more drinking on thurs, and another round of mahjong 'til 3am on sat. wow, no wonder my throat is sore and i'm feeling sick right now. Must become healthy again (hopefully w/o doctor's help), whatever doesn't kill me only made me stronger...

On a different note, she went on a trip for the july 4th weekend, with her "HK" (quoted by her sis) gangs and sis. Well, wish she had a great trip. I know I'll never be allow to join such festivities, not like I'm desparate to join neither. In fact, I purposely delay my flight back home so I don't have to deal with her yet again having fun with her friends and the thought of me never cross her mind. The worse thing is that she'll always spend time and plan this sort of trips but just don't seen to have time to do any sort of plan when she does spend time with me. sigh... See my importance in her life, like I wrote in previous entry, it's REALLY low. sigh... She's more willing to spend time with co-workers than me, even after all the things I did for her... okay, must stop myself from dwelling too much on this topic...

On a happier note, my friend invited me to have a facial couple weekends from now, and she'll bring one of her friend along :) Plus I'm also continue my email chit-chatting with the two girls that I haven't met yet. So the future is not so gloommy for me yet!!! So I guess I should drink to the future. I guess I must get home and do that at the hooter gathering this month.
posted by HELL at 18:16