Everybody always said ''til the day hell freezes over''. But has it ever freeze over? Contact me if you want to discuss anything hellfreezeover666@yahoo.com . Not that anybody actually read this blog. I'm just as lonely as ever. From a pathetic fool in HELL!!!

 
She got me mint chocolate from Chicago. How nice of her! Have lunch w/ her and she paid for it 'cause Illnois had a fewer point in the tourney than Cal, haha. Went to Costco and then workout. Overall a nice friday afternoon. But, my heart is start wondering once again about the possiblity of a future w/ her, but my mind hopefully will stop this nonsense before it gets out of control :) BTW, I hope the war ends soon, and everybody can get back to worrying about the economy.
posted by HELL at 13:42

 
So she's back from her nice little vacation in Chicago. However, no email responding to my nice gesture of offering to pick her up from airport, no phone call, no respond to my inquiry about a possible Costco trip (my supplies are low). No contact of any kind. I guess she's busy helping somebody else move. I guess I just don't do enough for her. Why am I not surprise by all of these, I been expecting something like it just from the way she been talking over the last week or so before her departure to Chicago. Just one thing I want to know, and I REALLY REALLY WANT TO ASK: "WHO AM I TO YOU?" But I'm calming down a lot more, there is less heartache than the last few times she ignored me. I think I'm really getting used to this whole thing. One day, I shall have my victory :) I don't really know what the victory will be of, don't even know what to expect, but I'll know it when I experience it. Hopefully it's me finally getting over her FOR GOOD. I would love nothing better than that.

Still have to ask her to see the producer musical, since it's the only thing left that I promised myself that I'll do for her :) So glad that I didn't promise myself anymore things for her. Plus, she could be gone from my life for good by the end of next month, if she get RIFed. We shall see, we shall see. In any case, I had planned out a few scenerios on how to ask her and how to respond to her answer. Although, I'm still not sure how I should respond if she rejected me. I'm try to find a balance between showing her my fraustration at this whole mess and trying to be a gentleman. Hmm, a hard balance to reach. I still have a few more days to think about this though.

BTW, she still owe me one nice japanese lunch. I'm not sure right now that I will even go. Hopefully, I'll have the strength when the time comes to reject her invitation. Doubt that. Everytime, she acted cute and ask me to do something for her, I'll become a pathatic fool and pretty much obey her command. Damn, snap out of it. Got to get some more music about when angles deserve to die.
posted by HELL at 21:22

 
She didn't call me to pick her up. Oh well, what else should I expect? Just remember that the last thing out of ordinary I will do for her is the Producers musical (since she rejected my glider idea). After that, we'll see what happens.
posted by HELL at 23:21

 
Why do I always feel that I'm the one who had been put out for this friendship/relationship. She always just waiting there to accept what I can give. But never, ever, does she show any care for me (ok, except for the basketball and gatorade thing). I don't know, I'm really tire of this whole thing. But since I have already set out to do these two things for her. I'll get it done and let it be.
posted by HELL at 23:28

 
WOW, she told me I should go see a dermatologist 'cause of my pimple on my face. She even told me that girl like guys w/ better skin. I'm shock... Then again, I'm guessing that we're that good of friends now she could tell me things w/o much of hesistation. Amazing. I'm guessing that I'm getting to the point where she would consider me a good, close friend. Maybe one day I'll let her read this blog, haha. I doubt that, I hadn't even told my closest friend about this blog yet. That's why I'm the only one who is reading it :)

Went to work out w/ her, for the first time ever. It's pretty interesting talk to a girl during workout. Never really done that before:) However, I felt kinda embrassing since there were a few co-workers there and I'm constantly talking to her instead of chit-chatting w/ them like I used to do. But I did get to do some close contacts, hehe, j/k. But it's fun, and very interesting stuff when she told me about one of her violent friend and how he got kick out of grad school 'cause of some fight on bball court.

Well, she finally decided to go w/ me to shop for my sunglasses. Although she had some reservation about the dinner afterward. I guess I'll find out tomorrow, not that I care too much about anymore. I think if this was a few weeks back, I woulda need to go jog to cool myselft down. But now, I just accepted that I'm not all that important in her life and then move on w/ my life. No point dwell myself in sorrow just because some spoiled girl told me she couldn't have dinner w/ me. I'm glad that I'm moving along as planned, finally I'm back in control again. I would love to see the other two or however many guys fight for this girl. It's always very exciting when I get to watch something like this from the sideline and able to predict things that'll happen.
posted by HELL at 21:19

 
I know she's etremely worry about the layoff, but not much I can do except to comfort her. Hmm, wondering who she was talking to on the phone? Could it be her old friend from college? Could be. She's also depress today, wondering if I could cheer her up. I did notice that I'm moving further away from treating her as a potential gf and just as a friend. Good move.
posted by HELL at 23:02

 
She's worry about the upcoming layoff, and I promised that I'll do what I can to find out more info about it. Why am I so guillable and keep pushing myself to do these types of stuff for her??? Am I an idiot??? Is there a cure for love???
posted by HELL at 00:37

 
Life had been ok for the last few days. I'm actually getting my mind off her. However, she was supposely going w/ me for sunglasses shopping. But she decided she had some some prior engagement and I'm just not important enough to break that. Where am I in her hierachy of things to do/deal with? I doubt it's very high. It really sucks to deal w/ her. I did all the right things to help her, and yet, she treats me like dirt. Now, it's not even about my old feeling (flame) for her, it's about fairness in a friendship. I demand at least equal contribution to the friendship and not have me being to only one trying to hold the whole relationship together. I'm piss off about this unfairness more than anything else. I question my devotion to this whole thing, when had she ever done anything for me??? The whole thing is just stupid.

OK, enough of venting. If the rumor holds true and she does get layoff by the company, I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore by the end of the month. BTW, my boss did hinted that I may get a promotion, yippie. I love my boss and co-workers. hahahahaha!!!
posted by HELL at 12:00

 
Feeling much better over the last few days. In fact, didn't even have to run 2 miles to cool me down after she rejected me from buying gatorade w/ her over the weekend (she did call me from Cotsco to ask which type of gatorades to get, silly girl). Didn't much care about it. After reading more Chinese stuff, I'm becoming more contend w/ myself. Can you believe that I copy a whole passage of a sex story to give some spiritual insperation? It's so amazing that you could find spiritual guidance anywhere.
posted by HELL at 01:01