Everybody always said ''til the day hell freezes over''. But has it ever freeze over? Contact me if you want to discuss anything hellfreezeover666@yahoo.com . Not that anybody actually read this blog. I'm just as lonely as ever. From a pathetic fool in HELL!!!

 
Being working night shift for the last week so didn't really have time to update.

Actually thought about not updating the blog for a while since it's still going to be about her. So sad. While workingl the night shift, I provided her with pearl tea on daily basis. Just been treating her so nicely. Then she finally found some free time after the division BBQ on friday to go to Costco with me. Wow, how nice of her to do it, only after more than a week of pleading from me. sigh...

The rafting trip was very fun, even more interesting when we (me and my friend) spend sometime in the girls' tent talking about relationship and such. I found it to be relaxing to finally let go and talk about this with others, more so than ever. The trip is also very relaxing when we were on the river or star gazing. Even saw a few comets. But I didn't really make any wishes, knowing that there is only one wish I would made and it'll never come true.

Something bad happened last weekend, somebody came into my garage and took a few things from my car (the window was rolled down). I'm actually not that angry, just blame myself a bit for leaving the window down and my dad for leaving the garage door open. Other than that, not really feeling much else, actually a little excitement 'cause it gave me an excuse to buy new things. I'm definitly an expert in wasting money :)

Foud out on Monday that my invitation to dinner this week got turned down yet again. I must be very low on the priority list, probably just slightly above work (which she hated) and junk mail. She'll only do anything with me if she extremely bored and none of her high priority friends have time for her. I felt so under-appreciated... sigh... So sad that I'm on such low status with her after all that I have done. I sound like some old record, play over and over again to talk about how she just doesn't treat me right... I'm so tire of this, really should try to get out of this whole vicious cycle. But nooooo, here I am just won a bid on ebay to do a portrait for her, already asked for her studio pics. How pathetic am I???? I don't really know... sigh... I should just go plan for my trip to workout partner's wedding and also take off a day before my birthday.
posted by HELL at 22:31

 
Was watching the "wedding planner", and one scene caught my eye and thought. When the guy help the girl to her home after she was drunk, it remind me of my help for her when she was sick. I was thinking, the sad thing is that in the movie, the guy did get the girl at the end, but in real life, I didn't get anything. Not even a thank you or some gesture to that attempt. In fact, I had to keep telling myself never to bring up the subject unless she does, in fear of being accuse of using that as leverage. sigh... Damn it, why can't I just get my mind of her. Every time I saw something new, got something interesting, or went to a new place, I always think of her and how I can share with her and how she'll enjoy it. In fact, I'm already starting to plan for her birthday, a nice facial accompany with a nice dinner at a nice french restraunt. I doubt she even remember my birthday (okay, maybe not, but it'll probably be a crappy gift anyway :( ). But I can't help it, it just come to my mind so naturally. Damn me, the only time I'm not thinking of her is when I'm playing basketball and hopefully when I'm hang-gliding. Oh yeah, sign up for 5 sessions of hang-gliding, it's an expansive sport. That's for sure. Oh well, hopefully I can talk about hang-gliding and other advantures on this website in the future, instead of her.
posted by HELL at 23:46

 
Haven't seen her since last thursday. Finally, decided to ask her to go for a pearl tea break. It's kinda funny but also sad at the same time. She doesn't even bother to bring her wallet or anything, knowing fully that I will pay for everything, as always. As usual, ask her to dinner but have to wait several hours and few phone calls to even get an answer out of her. Even then, it's with two of her friends. I don't know, I have no idea sometimes why I do these stuffs for her. I guess I'm just trying to enjoy life and since spending time with her bring me happiness, then why not. Enjoy life now, god give me youth and life, why let it go waste, money can always be earn again. That's how I felt right now. So I'm just going to make money and spend them, enjoying life to its fullest. Don't give much of a damn about her. hopefully, I wouldn't care about her anymore and can really enjoy life and the girl that my friend is going to introduce me to :) BTW, my friend is so nice that he gave me an article about a guy's situation that's similar to my own. It's an advice column. I found it to be fairly interesting and I'll think about it some more. (I'll put an exercept on tomorrow)

The contest was finally over last night. It had become stupid. I took it as a challenge to my self control ability but it just started to drag and I felt like I'm losing my freedom. So a deal was reached and we ended the contest last night, with a hooters' trip planned for this sunday. I'm glad the torture is over and I can enjoy my freedom once again.

So glad I'm off tomorrow (Friday). Get to enjoy some time off and clean my room and finishing up some errands. sigh, so tire these days, and it isn't because of work :(

Just another thing, even her friends called her "princess" :) It's so true!!!
posted by HELL at 23:25

 
Pissed off at her today yet again. I asked her few times last week to go to Semicon today, she kept telling me that she didn't know about her schedule. And today I got a page from her that she's going with one of her other guy friend and she didn't ask me 'cause she didn't know if I have time to go. Yeah, right, whatever, it's all crap. I was fuming for a little bit, then I realized that it shouldn't matter. She's behaving exactly as I expected, the spoil brat that she was. So if everything came as expected, why should I even spend any effort to be angry at her. It's a waste of my time and energy. And as the nice guy that I am, I did found a listing of potential jobs for her sister (must be EE and located here in Silicon Valley) and an ad for her own part time job. Damn, I am such a nice guy. It's her lost that she couldn't appreciated. Oh well, I wouldn't spend much more of my money, time, and energy on her anymore. At least not nearly as much as before.

Still in contest, 2 had dropped out, only 2 left to battle for the title of "mater of my domain".
posted by HELL at 23:43

 
Still fuming at her. This looks more like the beginning of the end than any other previous times. Well, it'll be good both for me emotionally and financially. Let the healing period begin...
posted by HELL at 19:30

 
Very much so mad about the fact she never even show a sign of appreciation for all that I did for her when she's sick. So be it, let this be the beginning of the end for my illogical, unreasonable lust for her. So tire now, just want to sleep still need to head to work early tomorrow.
posted by HELL at 01:06

 
Got into an argument with her over some work-related issue. Two things I discovered yet again, she had strong loyalty toward the people she assiociated with, to the point where no amount of facts or analysis could convince her otherwise, very illogical thinking, too emotional. The other thing is that she's definitly not the best person to talk to when you're angry, she'll only incite more anger within someone. I mean mocking people or calling them back-stabbing or giving stupid advices just doesn't do the job. She's just totally spoiled, self-centered, slutty brat. I don't understand why I'm still so emotionally attached to her. Even my friend at work question my drive behind my ever-lasting lust for her. Don't know, really need to think about this more. In any case, my friend is right, with her behavior, keep her as friend is a lot to ask. I should just forget her and move on. Though that had been say many times, I think this time is more real than ever. Especially since I realized that all she want is to take advantage of me. Not even a "thank you" for all that I had done to take care of her during her sickness. Nothing, zero, nada, zippo, absolutely no appreciation of my help. I am heart-broken (yet again) for the lack of anything nice she could do for me. This should really be the last straw, I need to just collect the broken pieces and move on. And then see what happens in 7 years again.

Over the next few days, I'll start a priority list for myself regarding what I need to accomplish over the next 4 years. This should help me re-focus on what's more important for me in life and guide me thru some expected rough spot over the next few years. And she'll not be in my future plan, that's for sure.

The contest is still on, one person had dropped out already. YEAH!!!
posted by HELL at 23:48

 
Not much contact with her at all today. Just a couple pages in the morning, I guess she must be extremely busy, or she just had too much of me over the last few days and need some time away from me. Either way, I'm not happy about it and I need to deal with my obessesion of her. Maybe my friend's girlfriend is right, I just need to start ignoring her and see if she'll do anything. Sadly, my prediction is that she just doesn't care at all.

M birthday will be a somber occasion for me, yet again. I'm going to spend it by myself and just think about how I need to get off this obvious addiction to her. The investment must be cut right now and my time, money, and effort should be invested else where. Let's hope that happens with the least amount of pain.

Side note: Still in the contest, but so is everybody else.
posted by HELL at 21:49

 
BTW, I'm still in the contest, probably can still go for another week or so. Everytime I get tempted, I can just think about how miserable and mess up my personal love life is that it'll drain all my energy :(
posted by HELL at 23:54

 
Why do the same thing repeat over and over again for me???

I helped take her to the doctor on Monday, treated her to nice sushi dinner, drove her home, and then picked her up this morning and drove her to work. I would said I had done all that I could done for her in this situation (both as a friend and as a person who have considerable interest in her well-being). Yet, why do I always felt abandoned once she's done using my help. This happen time after time, I'll do my best to help her with all that she asked of me, usually puttiner her interest far beyond that of my own, and then when it's all done, I'll feel like an old abandon dog just got done being used and abused. She'll go back to her normal life, having fun with her friends, hanging out with her other guy friends, ignoring me most of the times. I HATE this feeling. Like all those who know anything about this relationship had been telling me, I got to just quit doing these stuffs for her and just confront her. And when she tell me there is no possibility between us, I should just move on. I had been wasting so much time and money and effort in this, it's definitly the worse investment I had ever made. Now all I need is a little intervention from friends to get myself off this addiction to her and really enjoy my life. I had been miss out on so much of my life because of this whole mess :( I really need to learn to let go. Except the dedication to my goal that I used to be proud of (keep me going to the gym on a regular basis) is causing my downfall right now. I just can't give up right now after what I had done, I can't cut my losses and move on like I do with my financial investments. My heart and soul is lock down right now and I don't know how to free them :( I need time, a lot of time, to untangle my web of fraustration and heal my broken heart before I can move on :( Just remember my deadline, my birthday is coming up in less than 3 months.

After going to a co-worker's wedding on Saturday of the July 4th weekend, I drove myself up to Mendocino. After lunch and some nice time spent in a couple of galleries, I drove back to bayarea thru Hwy 1. It was a damn nice drive, especially in my car :) The only problem is the long drive did take a toll on my back and knee. They were hurting after 5 hours of continuous drive. But I did learn that I should be a loner, and I can survive as a loner :)

Kinda tire right now, I just don't want to continue on complaining about how my personal love life is so miserable right now. I had enough people telling me that thru the day. So hopefully I 'll get a chance to think about this more over the next few days and hopefully come to peace with my mind soon.
posted by HELL at 23:52

 
I got a phone call from her at 8:04am this morning. She was very sick, I could barely make out what she was saying. So I told her not to go to work. She asked me to bring OJ and Nyquil to her, which I gladly complied. It's the first time she called me when she was sick. I guess she knew I'll be the one with the time and the freedom of all her friends to come by and help take care of her. Actually I stayed at her place for more than an hour to keep her company until the drowsiness of the Nyquil kick in.

Then when she told me that one of her friend was off today. My heart just sunk. I was thinking to myself that I did all these stuff in the morning to fix her up and then her other guy friend just going to swoop in and claim all the credit. But the good thing was I did got another page to get her rice soup. So we went to get rice soup, Sprint store (her phone couldn't recieve any income calls), banks, and then home. It was nice to just drive and listen to music and once in while looking at her and touching her hand to check her temperature. I felt great being able to offer her help in her time of need. It made me feel a lot important in her life than just another guy from work. Although I was more a servant obeying the master's every wish. I was just so kind and sensitive to her, never knew I had that much of patience in me to deal with a sick person like that.

Oh yeah, wear my Hooter waitress autographed t-shirt to work and I think it's a hit :) But my boss did told me that I should be careful in front of the HR people 'cause they may see it as a possible work harrassment issue. But as long as my co-workers and more importantly, her, approves of the shirt, I don't really care much.

Also heard rumor that my directore maybe leaving our group, big re-org is just on Monday. I'm kinda anxious to find out what's going on. I'll know by monday afternoon and hope I like all the changes.

The contest officially started about an hour ago. Let's see how long I can last. My guess'll be at least a week :) We shall see, we shall see. I'm tire right now, so I'll probably add in more details later on.

posted by HELL at 01:06

 
Wow, went to Hooters with some friends in SF and had a blast there. The waitress was friendly, the food was so so, but the atmosphere was great. We were loud and rowdy, remind me of my friend's brother's wedding a while back. I even got the Hooter's t-shirt and got a bunch of signatures from the waitress. Too bad I didn't have a sharpee so we couldn't get the autographes from the cute waitresses we wanted. It was so great and relaxing. Have to do this more often...
posted by HELL at 00:51

 
Had some interesting stuff happen the last few days. It's the first time anybody came over to my parent's house to borrow the washer/dryer. It's even more intriguing to show her the house. Also getting ban momemtarily to a remote part of the house 'cause she's folding her "personal item". So sunday was good day for me. Not only did I get to do laundry with her, also helped her with her flight back to Chicago for her friends' wedding (she probably will visit the bf as well :(( ). She helped me with buying two different wedding gifts for two of my co-workers' weddings. It's overall a verys successful day. The only little kink is the fact that she was kinda sick. I, being the good guy that I am, brought her to the chinese restraunt with good rice soup and she enjoyed the meal.

On monday, she was still sick and actually page me to have dinner 'cause she didn't want to cook. She's cute when she's weak but still trying to yell at me. hahahaha. I did my best to be a gentleman, just like I always do. I was extremely nice and obeyful to her during the dinner. I did all that she asked for and more, treating her like a little princess. Like my friend was saying, she's getting all the perks of being a gf but none of the responsibilities.

Drove her to pick dinner for her group today. Even though, took a while to get to the restraunt, I didn't really get yell at, which was a pleasant surprise. The sad thing still is that when she called home using my cell, she still blocks my cell #. So sad... I left work before she did, and told her that she should call me if she needed anything.
posted by HELL at 00:05