Everybody always said ''til the day hell freezes over''. But has it ever freeze over? Contact me if you want to discuss anything hellfreezeover666@yahoo.com . Not that anybody actually read this blog. I'm just as lonely as ever. From a pathetic fool in HELL!!!

 
Looks like I'm moving in the right direction. Show K's pic to C and she thought K looked stylish, which I agree to a certain extent. But the important thing is that to show C that I'm moving on and enjoying life. I'm only there as her friend to support her in time of needs. And I think she begin to understand that now more than ever how good of a friend I had been to her. Let's see if I'll get rewarded :)

As for K, she dressed quite normal (for me atleast) and I actually found her attractive and we chatted w/o much pressure on me to carry the conversation. Quite relaxing indeed and I enjoyed. I think it's moving in the right direction and I'm excited about that. In fact I asked her if she'll come with me to eat with my friends next Tue in Berkeley. Let's see how that goes... I may actually.... :)

Off to Vegas in a hour. One interesting note (no not about the fact that we're driving down there instead of flying), one of the guys that usually hang around C decided last minute to go to the bachelor party as well. When I told C, she thought maybe he did it to spite her. Yeah C told the other two guys about the relationship and their reaction haven't been that supportive. Another reason why she realized how good I had been to her.

Tired... Hmm, wonder why M from work won't give her cell #, not like I'm going to call her up out of nowhere. I guess she just forgetten, shouldn't read too much into this sort of stuff... Anyway, a quick nap and i'm off to the drive to vegas... sigh...


posted by HELL at 03:04

 
As always, I'm only useful when she didn't have anyone else to talk. Of course she'll never understand that and never appreciate what I had done for her and for him. Both of them just don't realize the sacrifice I made for them to start and maintain their relationship. They don't even give me the proper credit for giving them the opportunity to start this whole affair. sigh...

Oh, she stayed out so late with him last night that they didn't get in 'til past 11am this morning. And she told the boss the relationship won't affect her work. Such a lie...

posted by HELL at 00:42

 
I'm REALLY losing my interest and faith in the whole relationship thing. It pains me to hear day after day of the detail of her relationship, even worse to see and hear the stuff they tell each other. sigh... And yet I can't abandon her 'cause of my honor as a gentleman to uphold my words of standing by her thru the hardship. sigh... This honor thing really hurts me, but I guess just like the tragic hero of the Greek mythology, I can either spiral down this route of torture or abandon who I am and what I believed in. sigh... I'm doom either way. This even cause me to slack off at work 'cause I really don't have much motivation at working, especially knowing how while I'm working so hard, they're starting an illicit relationship. So what's point of working hard, what kind of reward do I get? Betrayal? Dissappointment? Headach of dealing with two people so selfish? The torture of seeing them together? The list can go on and on, but the bottom line is that I'm in hell 'cause I did something I thought was nice at the time. sigh...

Well, since her parents went to Yosemite and Hearst Castle trip for two days, based on my advice, she had the freedom to spend time with the coworker as much as possible. They went to lunch and dinner together. Oh yeah and also went to shop at her favor mall too. Oh well, good for them. Another thing I forgot to mention was that he gave her a bracelet for the Chinese Valentine, which I was the one who told them. I'm probably more involved in their relationship than anybody else. I'm sure he's not too happy about that but couldn't do anything 'cause she needed me.

I don't really think I'll be seeing anyone on birthday, even my sister will be in Phoenix in her new house and starting a new job. So I won't have to worry about her wanting to spend time with her family. So this birthday won't be that much different than last one. Let's hope it'll be better next year. sigh...

posted by HELL at 21:26

 
Well, it was an expansive dinner last night with my best friend and his gf, $500 in a nice French restaurant up in SF downtown. I guess I don't owe them anything anymore.

Sigh... Maybe it was a mistake to go out to lunch with her and the coworker. Their PDA (public display of affection) was heart wrenching for me to watch. My heart ach and my hands tremble as I watched them holding hands even while eating. I guess I should've expected to see it since I was the one who asked them to be more natural in front of me. And because of that, I couldn't even asked them to stop when she asked me if I was comfortable with the PDA. It hurts more for me to hear day after day how much they chatted and how happy she is. The worse thing is that I had to play the role of good friend and continue to encourage her to go on when she's down or discouraged because of the hardship that relationship brought. They both had lots of baggage that need to be taken care of first. She need to end her relationship with the "future ex" and he need to file the divorce paper. So far it sounded like they're both still moving slow on the subject but they definitely decided to stay together for the forseeable future.

I knew it was tough for me to be there for her thru the whole thing. But it hurts even more than I had imagined. Tried to block it out of my mind by distracting myself with various task. Actually I think one reason that I'm not taking a vacation by myself was that I don't want to have the free time to actually think about this whole thing. I may actually have a heart attack from all the emotion (wish I'm kidding here). sigh... I'm tired from work, from the complain of my sister about current work and her impending move to Phoenix, mom's daily arguemnt with dad, and from the teasing I get from people 'cause they all thought I'm easy going and take the beating. I just need to concentrate on doing something and not think/worry about anything else, espeically issues related to her.

Oh yeah, saw that the coworker called her "honey" and told her that he loves her in multiple icq messages. sigh... I wish I can say that sort of things to her. But I can't. I had chose the role of good friend/confidant, I now obligated to complete my task and guide her to happieness to the best of my ability. Yes, I know I'm an idiot for making such a choice, but what can I do, this's who I REALLY AM!!!

posted by HELL at 00:09

 
Still have to cover for her at work on Friday. I guess that's pretty normal these days. She's quite insecure about this current relationship so I had been constantly trying to encourage her. sigh... The things I do for her.

Finally met her sister on Saturday 'cause she had to introduce the coworker to her and I have to be there as the ice breaker and the cover. She looks just like what I expected. But she more assertive than I expected. When I told her that her sister is happy and that she should support her, she asked me if I had gotten the impression that she hasn't been. Well, I told her that the impression I got is that she's not fully on her side even though I'm sure that she's happy for her older sis. We did also discuss the fact that she still have a bf back in Illinois and she need to end that relationship first. sigh... The drama and baggage for both of them...

Spend Saturday afternoon with D-chick, went to have high tea at this place in SF called lovejoy. Quite good experience, the place is relatively casual and the food was quite good. Really liked it and I think I'll try to go back once in awhile :) We went to Castro afterward. Well, I didn't know how to get there and asked my friend, to which he replied, drive down Market street and when you see happy people, you're there... sigh... the direction he gives... Good thing there's rainbow flag and we found the place okay. It was fun just chatting and walking with her, looking thru multiple soap shop, learning about different type of soap, and smell the different lotions she tried on :) And then we went to Chinatown to pick up prune snack (one of her favor). I really show how clueless of where places are in SF. I had to call multiple friends multiple times to get the correct location going there, amazing. Hey, I did get to where we wanted to go anyway. hahahaha... And then we ran into one of my best friend and his gf, pretty sure it wasn't accidental, they followed me there. Shouldn't called him for direction. damn.... hahaha.... Have dinner with her and then dessert between the three of us. I thought it was quite entertaining. On our way back, we chatted more about relationship and such, and she mentioned that my friends must've thought that we were dating. So I had to tell her that I'll straighten that out. Hmm, I wonder if this's a way for her to test how I felt. Nah, I'm sure she just simply making sure that I know it's an innocent friendship. Oh well, I'm not too worry about that since I had already decided that it's unfair for me to star a long term relationship with anyone if I'm not completely over the girl from work (and I told D-chick that too). But I have to admit that it was quite fun and relaxing to spend time with her :)

Oh, one thing that D-chick did said was that if I continue to shield girl from work, I'm doing her a huge disfavor 'cause she won't learn from her latest mistake. Plus she's a selfish person that really not worth my time (I know, I think I mention that a couple of times in blog). Sigh... It's one thing to know the right thing, another to actually do the right thing.

posted by HELL at 09:14

 
Finally, I let her that I knew about the bf over in Illinois for a very long time. Of course had to come up with some plausible reason for knowing the fact. Oh well, another part of this messed up thing is over with. She told me that she had to break up with the bf, which her parents really like. The next thing up, after the coworker come back, I had to accompany the two of them to meet her sister (who I'm meeting for the first time) this Saturday. Well, that's going to be interesting. Her sister thought that they should meet the parents if she think that he's "the one". But of course she doesn't know the current fiasco with the whole thing. So I had to give her some suggestions on how to deal with the whole situation. Don't know why I'm all of sudden become her relationship counselor. sigh.... don't know I should laugh or be sad about it.

Also, made a semi-booboo today with the coworker. I told her to tell him that he's not MDR, mom and dad ready (picked up from law and orders). Well, don't think he liked that and she end up apologizing and had to give up a friday night visit to calm him down. Oh, she told the other two guys about the relationship. hmm, one of the them accuse her of being selfish, well, that's not really new. Just like she's always talking on the phone or text messaging while I'm doing her work. It's how it goes... And you know what, I actually don't really care all that much since I been so disillusional about work and her. Also told her that she'll probably lose some friendship and have tough road ahead in the department of family if she chose to continue with this. And also told her I'll be there for her as much as I can but she had to make the choice herself...

Oh yeah, had lunch with some old college friends, he twisted his knee and in physical therapy right now. He talked about the therapy for the entire lunch. One thing that struck me was that he told us how positive the workers there were and its influence on him. I never realized the attitude of the people around could have such great effect on someone who's facing some hardship (he was talking about how valuable it was to be able to walk). Maybe I should act more positive around her...

A few more things that I remembered. Did told a coworker that I wasn't the happiest person to see her landing in Singapore. After I heard the story about how her ex did not like her travel and working such a long hour, I realized the reason they're together because of the commonality of their significant others distraction/unsupportiveness. This's the happiest I had seen her, one of the big reason why I stuck around to help the love couple. sigh... I'm just such a nice guy. Oh, need to tell her to be more independent in front of him, 'cause he's probably more used to that 'cause of the personality of the wife. It's quite interesting how I keep coming up with this sort of stuffs. Hmm, I began to doubt the claim that I understand myself.

posted by HELL at 12:21

 
Continue to support her in anyway I can. I been given the nick name of "confidant" but probably prefer "blue confidant". Let her know she should really thank me for creating the opportunity for her and the coworker to be together. sigh... Yup, I'm the BIGGEST FOOL in the WORLD. Telling him about the Chinese valentine on Sunday, encouraging her to make up excuse to sneak out of house on Sunday (her parents still in town), volunteering to take care of her parents, looking for apartment for him, offering my help to help him move, and continue to give her support in this difficult time for both of them, sigh... Don't really know why I'm doing these other than the fact it's a habit of me to grant every one of her wishes. Such a sucker, and I don't even know what I get in return for doing all of these. sigh.... I'm tired, need some sleep, and more importantly, some vacation. Oh one side note, my pen pal just broke up with another bf of hers, i guess we'll meet up this saturday and try to recover from our latest wound together :( I want to cry but the optometrist blocked my tear drain...

posted by HELL at 01:15

 
Ran into the wife and had 1/2 hr chat with her about the whole situation. She told me that she had calm down quite a bit from the initial anguish. Now she's even thinking about what to do in the future, maybe even going back to school. Mentioned that she regret involving the girl from work in a talk that should've taken place between her and the coworker (her husband, for now). We chatted about how people get lost and become unsure of future. Just in general about one's philosphy of life and such, looks like she felt much better and rational now. Hopefully this'll help the three of them get to some sort of resolution soon regarding this situation.

Well, as for the girl, it's being pretty much the same. I'm handling her work while she's on the phone with the coworker. Oh well, ain't that much different than before... She's also making me go along with them for the first meeting between her sister and the coworker. She want me just so it's less awkward for the three... Wow, I didn't I can be serve as an ice breaker.

Another thing, I'll probably give up my time slot for the coworker to visit her in Chicago during the Christmas break. It really dosen't matter for me anymore to be there in Chicago.

Oh, one more bad news... Sister is leaving the area to work for another company over at Phoenix. I'll really miss the days where I can be depress and just drive over to her house. sigh... Now I'll actually have to either go rent an apartment or tough it up and sleep in my own room. I'll REALLY MISS SISTER and the KIDS... sigh...

posted by HELL at 00:00

 
Sigh... I'm doing exact what the lyric of one of my favor Chinese song "Very Very Love you" had described. I being keeping her happiness as my top priority, advicing her on her relationship, dealing with rumors, telling her that her SMS is not all free (not 'til she paid extra for the unlimited plan), and doing her work while she talked on the phone nonstop with the coworker. I know, I know, I'm being a stupid idiot. Trust me, I know that, even planning on using that in my toast at her wedding. It'll go something like "being her former admirer and all, I thought I was happy to see her come to Singapore, well, it turn out that somebody was happier. And when I told him to take care of her while I'm in the Fab working past midnight, he really took my words to heart.... Well here's a toast to the happy couple, wishing them happily ever after, and to the biggest idiot in the world, ME". sigh... And I still have calm her down when she heard one of the other coworker joking mentioned that the boss is mad and that's the reason he won't approve her expense report. See how much bs I have to put up with at work, no wonder I'm losing sleep (can't sleep past 8am) these days. Too much stress...

She knew the importance of me being there for her and always watch out for her best interest. Even jokingly offer to buy me a set of new wheels for my car. Thanks, but I really don't need you to buy me anything, don't want to let you off your guilt so easily. Even though that guilt is ever so slight and she went back to the old way of treating me real quickly (like telling me that she'll call me back but never did, talking on the phone the whole day and I carry her workload for her, and...). Oh, and here's another thing, she actually borrow airline milage from another single male coworker to buy tix for her parent. And she question why there's rumor of her not acting according to the standarde of a lady. sigh... too bad I could never question her that... I thought I knew the meaning of the phrase "deepest sorrow is a heart that cannot rejoice" before, but now I'm getting a much better at fully experience the truth behind the phrase. sigh............

posted by HELL at 00:58

 
Went to her place and picked her for some pearl tea and other errands tonight. Then the coworker called and she asked if he could come. Of course being the gentleman and good friends that I am, I agreed to it. She wanted me to talk to her and made some judgement on him for her. But the problem is that she's there and I wasn't sure how straight forward I can be, so it was a bit awkward as I tried to figure out what the bottomline is and what I could and couldn't talk about. Plus the fact that since I previously had strong feelings for her and that made it even more freakish. In any case, I gave her my honest opinion about how I felt regarding their relationship, that there was a long tough road ahead of them. Also told her that she need to answer to herself the question about the fact did she really fall in love or just felt lonely in a foreign place and just want to grab onto something. I told her that my opinion is that it's the former since she could've grab me instead :) sigh... Well, atleast I'm to the point where I can made fun of myself nowaday. Oh yeah, I did told them that they owe me for this one. She's definitely in debt to me for a long time to come. Sigh... Couldn't believe that there's still people like me, holding true to the tradition of gentleman's honorable action regardless of circumstance. Just like the lyric of one of my favor Chinese song, my happiness come from seeing her being happy, if that means she's with another person, then so be it. I felt that my responsibility as her "very good" friend is to help her as much as I can, which I had and will continue to do so. sigh... Am I stupid or what??? How did I became her relationship advisor, that's such a cruel joke faith had played on me :(

Oh, also told my boss on Friday during lunch to put me on the next layoff list, I'm tired of working and somewhat of this whole fiasco. I guess I just need sometime away from everything, looks like my birthday will fall on a monday, so I'll probably take that day off and do the same thing I did last year. Let just said that I need some time off away from everyone and everything. Just so I can sort my mind out. I know I didn't do a good job at that last year, but hopefully I'll be better at it this year. I guess we'll see what happens...

posted by HELL at 00:59

 
Well, more talk with the girl. I guess since I'm her confidant, she's being seeking advice from me. I had been trying to be the perferct gentlemen and the best friend that I can be. Telling her that she need to cool off while not losing track of what she wants. She told me that the coworker is going to give up quite a bit in terms of finance to be with her and that she's unsure if she is worth that much. Of course I told her that she's worth that and more and I told her that don't feel guilty about it and just consider that the coworker gave up all of those for the freedom of whoever he wants to be. sigh.... What I really want to said is to ask her if she's really willing to handle all these pressure to be just with him and the fact of the matter is that it won't be a easy task to be approve by both families. I don't know, but I'm just trying to stand by her and support her whenever she needs. For example, for the last couple of days, it's really her job to run some experiment, but since she's busy with her parents, I decided to kinda handle her workload for the moment and take care of her. sigh... I'm writing this blog slightly drunk but I really do know that I'm very unhappy about the whole thing but I have really no choice but to be there for her whenever, just follow the code of a gentlemen. sigh... I let her know that I had virtually no respect for the male coworker and that the fact remains that while I'm working my butt off in Singapore, he's seeking to draw her closer to him. sigh... I guess I'm partially responsible for what's happening with the whole fiasco. I don't know, I know the right thing to do, but it hurts (or depresses me) too much to watch those two hanging out and chit chatting. But even worse is that I have to give her advice and I must think of things relate her dealing with the cowoker and wife and work that advantage of her to help her move on so she may one day spend more time with the coworker .... I really need to learn to completely let go of her!!!!

posted by HELL at 00:55

 
Sigh... The wife is stalking her, so I been told by the girl. This whole thing is spiraling downward to a daytime soap opera. It's amazing how normal human being act so crazy when their life are now entangled in this web of love and betrayal. I just felt sorry for the girl. Like I told her, it's not really her problem, the wife have to recognize the fact that there were obvious problem exist between her and the husband. The girl just innocently acted as a trigger for this whirlwind downfall of events. This'll be bad and it's going to get worse when the husband tells the wife about his decision with the divorce. I just hope that the wife has enough self control not to drag herself and other relatively innocent people down to the abyss... BTW, I told her I still fully put the blame on the husband for dragging the girl into this...

posted by HELL at 00:28

 
I guess I should be happier, I'm now one of her close confidant. She supposedly told me lots about what's happening between her, the coworker, and the wife. It's kinda surreal for me to hear all these details about her personal relationship after really haven't been able to break into her personal life for A VERY LONG TIME. I guess after I told her that I'm no longer interested in her, she felt more relaxed and were able to depend on me more so than before (not like she haven't been leaning on me for the last two years). I'm not quite used to all of this so I guess it'll take some time to adjust to it. sigh... Didn't expect this chain of events to happen. On the news front, the coworker supposedly come back on Friday and then let the wife know that divorce is on the way. Well, this'll be bad, very bad news for the wife, especially considering that she could not even stay in US and work if this happens (don't quite understand why though). It's going to be explosive on Friday. Oh, also the coworker's family being trying to get to the girl as well to convince her. Sadly, why don't people try talk to the coworker, he's the one at fault here. Damn fool, wimp, jerk, just a total piece of asshole.... Yeah, I guess I won't be glad to see him.

posted by HELL at 01:30

 
So today was THE DAY after more than two and half years since I met her. We actually had a discussion about my feeling for her!

So here is how it started. We went to lunch as usual, started talking about the fiasco relating to her at work. She's complaining about how the wife had been dragging her name thru the mud, making up stories about how she's been a slut and worse yet, some coworker actually accuse her of trying to seduce her. sigh... Just like I mentioned to her yesterday, there'll be some tough days ahead. Well, at one pause, she asked me since we're having a heart-to-heart discussion, if she could ask me a question. Of course I told her to go ahead and asked. She asked me if I "like like her"? My answer "yes, at one point in time". And then I went on to tell her that I stopped that after my last birthday, which was the day I intended to anyway. Can't let her know that I'm so weak and it took much longer than that for me to finally see the light and started moving on. sigh... As everybody knows, I AM A FOOL. I told her that since I have lots of friends and quite a few female friends, it's sometime difficult for me to separate friendship from other stuffs. We didn't dwell on this topic too much, but I did asked her why didn't she confront me earlier, and she told me she was "scare". Am I really that scary or just that she's afraid of losing me as a friend and all my support for her? I think it's the second. SIGH... At least this marks the official end of my pursuit of her. My attitude toward her won't change dramatically, and nor would she treat me any better (maybe a little more trust). But the way I see her will change from a lady to just a friend. For example, when she asked me if she has a good body, I told her that she had a pair of long legs, thin asian body, and the breast is too small (of course I got hit in the arm). Looks like this should turn into a fine friendship (hopefully it wasn't a Floydian slip when I typed relationship instead of friendship). This conversation help to get me finally over the hump and moving on, help her break that barrier that she's afraid to cross with me, and help us clear the last huddle in continuing our friendship. Overall, it's not that bad of a day at all. She even invited me to go with her family to wine country after I complained about how I missed this year's July 4th wine festival. So let the age of true friendship begin. Wow, I'm actually not that depress, although still a bit sad and depress over the fact that she's having a relationship with a married coworker. Oh well, like I told her, I'm still by her side whenever she needed me anyway.

On other news, I planned my coworker's bachelor party with the best men and his friends. We're going to LV on the 28th. Let all the craziness begin soon :) Oh yeah, also ran into the wife and her colleagues that had been bad mounthing her. I felt a bit uncomfortable, especially since one of the coworker (he has no clue what's going on) mentioned her name, I think I can feel the air was froze for a second there. Wow.... Good thing the wife seem to be under much better control :)

I guess D-chick is right, this will be a drama week for me, but atleast it's not bad for her. And I'm happy as long as she's happy with the guy. Well, it's a beginning of a new era for me, should've cheer to that, but I guess I'll have to wait 'til the weekend first :) (And hopefully K-chick isn't mad at me for some reason, she's probably just busy, that's all)

posted by HELL at 00:27

 
Yup, the silence didn't last that long. I had my confrontation with her today about the relationship with the coworker. Let her knew that I know about the situation and that I'm always on her side, ready to support her when she needed. She told me that the coworker is seeking a divorce and the wife had been pass around rumors about her being a slut. Of course she did cry and I, being the gentleman that I am, offered tissue paper. Also told her that some of her action around male engineer can be interpret the wrong way by some people. Just figure this's a good opportunity to let her know how I felt about the way she acts around people. sigh... I know it's probably in vain, but atleast I tried. The whole time I was basically acting as a good friend to her, offering helps and advices. Hope that she'll one day appreciate what I had done for her, though most likely that'll never happen. sigh... Still faith isn't always on my side, but as long as I don't have any regret about my action, I'll die a happy man. Oh yeah, told her that I had lost all respect for the coworker for the fact that he drag her into issues between him and wife. I thought that's a good touch-up to show how genuine I am with my opinion. I guess she just wasn't meant to be in my life the way I wanted her to be, but I'll try my best to continue to maintain friendship (but I'm already fully prepare for her to break the friendship off, as now she had found someone else to lean on). Time for sleep, hope I don't lose any sleep over this, it's JUST SO NOT WORTH IT!!!

posted by HELL at 00:15

 
Have a date with the K-chick last night, and it went okay. I can myself dating her, I think that's a good start. Let's see what happens next time when I asked her to go watch "Alien vs. Predator" with me. hahaha...

Chat with the girl on friday before the usual pool and drunkness. I had been trying to act very normal in front of her, pretending I know nothing of any sort about her illicit relationship with the co-worker. For now I'm going to act like that 'til something happens, such as she being confronted by the wife. After that, I'll try to be there to pickup the pieces and at which point I'll have to let her know that I knew about the situation long ago. sigh... the things I do for her... Not that she appreciates it all that much. For example, K-chick will thank me for the dinner, but she usually don't even mention the word "thankyou" and then she'll complain the food, the restaurant, and the service. sigh... I know I really shouldn't dwell on those sort of things for long and I really should be moving ahead. Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see....

posted by HELL at 11:04

 
Just read something on the chinese novel site that kinda hit me. It still goes along with the theme of "furthest distance between two people is when true love cannot be revealed". sigh... I'm easily touched by these stories these days (actually all the time). I know that she doesn't like me, I know she consider my offer to help is more of hassle, I know that I had always been given a fairly low ranking on her priority list (I'm not even sure there's anybody below me), and yet, I had chosen to stay by her side and be her guardian for all these times. Guess even the latest revelation about her won't changed that. It really fits to the theme of the stories I read today, that love is mixture of poison and honey, as you tasted the sweet, you're also been slowly poisoned to death. sigh... it's so true in my case. I guess I can't do too much but only to follow my latest motto: can't always get things to go your way, but as long as you have no regret...

Here's something I planned on putting in a card and give it to her latter this month (that could still change, haven't make the final decision yet):

I understand the reason why you are happy, I know what is the cause for your sadness, I can see thru the mysterious smile that appears on your face during the day, I can hear the whisper of the tear on your face at that morning.

It matters not what other people will think of you, I will always consider you as a friend. I know you see my help as a burden, but one day when you need a hand to pick you up, I will still be here, helping you.

Well, let see how it goes.

posted by HELL at 23:53

 
Had a meeting with D-chick's friend today. It was okay, nice conversation, but not as good as the one with K-chick. I guess we'll see what happens next. D-chick is inviting me to go to the Jazz Festival this sunday. And I think the friend will be there too. Oh also, being doing a bit of online talking w/ K-chick, nice....

Talk to her over icq today. Of course she gave me list of to-do items. And of course I'll comply. sigh... But it's interesting to see how she became defensive when I just mentioned the name of the co-worker in a conversation about my super-expensive trip to Singapore. Hmm, the more she become defensive and in denial, the more it fits the old Chinese saying "there's no three hundred ounce of silver here". I hope that's the right translation :) Wonder what will happen when she gets back and more interestingly, when he gets back. I guess we'll wait and see then... sigh... There's so much mischief things I can do, but I'm bound by my insistence to follow the code of a gentlemen. sigh...

posted by HELL at 00:42

 
Well, the Hearst Castle trip was quite nice. Really did enjoy it, especially the nice long talk with one of my best friend's gf's roommate. We chated a lot about various stuff, including vaguely about co-worker's affair, my best friend's relationship w/ gf, and her relationship w/ her bf :)

Went to watch "Miss Saigon" by the Children's theatre today w/ D-chick. She invited me to go after I told her about the girl's affair and such. She's so nice in trying to get me not to drink and making sure I feel better, she's always a nice person :)

Well, tomorrow I'll be back at work. Hopefully I won't have to face the wife soon. I'm not even going to care about the idiotic husband right now. It's just sucks I couldn't tell people what he had done. Still need to be a gentleman to protect the good name of the wife and the girl. sigh....

posted by HELL at 00:59

 
I was kinda fraustrated and down because of the new found info about her relationship with the co-worker. I felt sorry for the wife (remember, she worked in the same division as well). Even more fraustrating is the fact that my willingness to baby her could be reason they have opportunities to be together. If I was doing my job the right way, not letting her off so easily, then they may not spend much time together and this may not happened. What a waste for her, sigh.... I was at the wrong place at the wrong time for the wrong reason. It's so fucking stupid of me. sigh... It's so stupid of me to always try to protect her, doing her work, and always keep her happiness as my top priority. sigh... After talking to D-chick and sister, one thing that's quite obvious is that I must separate myself from her, just leave everything and everyone alone. I have my own life right now, I don't need her AT ALL. So here's my action plan: tell her that I know the reason behind her happiness and her depression, I'll always stand by her or extend my hand in her time of need, but I will no longer volunteer my service to her. sigh... It's so stupid of everyone involved in this whole situation...

posted by HELL at 00:40